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•             Maintaining a marriage for a long time takes a lot of hard work, and no matter how well you knew each other when you tied the knot – you’re bound to learn some things about yourself and your partner along the way.

•             When it comes to gleaning relational wisdom, it can be helpful to take notes from people further down the road from you. So, it’s hardly surprising that a man on Imgur went viral after sharing ten things he’s learned during his twenty years of marriage to his wife.

In the post, he made sure to clarify that he’s not a professional marriage or relationship counselor, so this is straight from his firsthand experience.

“Today marks 20 years my wife and I have been married. It’s absolutely nuts to think we have been together this long. Looking back we have had a crazy fun ride and have learned a lot of things along the way. So with that I wanted to share with the community what I have learned in hopes that it can help others along their path. No feel-good bullshit, or silver bullet solutions, but tips I have learned the hard way on how to build a strong and meaningful marriage.

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Disclaimer: I am not a marriage counselor nor do I claim my marriage is perfect (none of them are). Every marriage is different and has unique challenges.”, he stated.

He then broke things down into a numbered list.

1. Marriage is not about YOU or what you want.

“It’s a union and it’s about what’s best for the relationship. Establish relationship goals together, which usually fall in line with personal goals. This becomes even more vital when kids are introduced and it’s not just a marriage anymore, it’s a family.”

2. Communication is vital.

“It plays a role in everything. How much depends on you two. Learn to communicate effectively as early as possible. Get a counselor if you struggle here.”

3. It is NEVER you vs your spouse on anything.

“It is always you and your spouse vs the issue. A key aspect of #2 is never directly attacking your spouse. Always aim at the issue.”

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4. Sex WILL become an issue at some point.

“This is normal and happens in every relationship. Be ready for it together and understand sex cannot define a sustainable marriage but it does play a big role in your relationship. #2 is key to getting through this.”

5. Trust is an absolute must for both parties.

“But understand if you don’t trust your partner that is YOUR issue to deal with not theirs. Trust issues usually stem from an issue. So work with your spouse to address the issue, then address your own trust issue.”

6. You are not perfect, so don’t expect your spouse to be or your marriage.

“We all screw up and when that happens our spouse needs to be there to support us. But as a couple you also need to push each other to improve on faults.”

7. You will never change your spouse, ever!

“Change comes from within and you harping on your spouse about something you don’t like will only push them away. Instead, work to accept and love them for who they are. Then support them on improving themselves. Better yet, look inwards and ask yourself how you can improve. Always keep #6 in mind here.”

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8. No marriage is picture perfect like they appear on the outside.

“Marriage ‘rules’ are not law, just guidelines. Learn to adapt the rules to work for your relationship. Both of you MUST agree on this for it to work.”

9. Give each other space.

“Learn to recognize when you or your spouse needs alone time or time with friends. Remember #5.”

10. Work to understand your spouse’s past and upbringing.

“DON’T JUDGE! Our past plays a massive part in how we act today and react to situations. The more we understand this about our spouse the better equipped we are to support them. This will also help with your relationship with the in-laws.”


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