By Charles Ighele
It is rare to find a marriage where the husband has never hurt the wife or where the wife has never hurt the husband. It is rare to find a marriage where the husband has never done anything that annoyed the wife or where the wife has never done anything that annoyed the husband.
It is rare to find a marriage where the action or lack of action of a spouse never got the other spouse disappointed.
The problem I want us to look at today is how to heal yourself when hurt, annoyed or disappointed in your spouse.
The only way some people know how to deal with their hurt, annoyance and disappointment is to ask their spouses for an apology or to shout or both. After shouting or screaming or crying, some will tell their spouses, “I demand an apology.” But if demanding an apology is your only way or most important way of healing your wounded mind, it means that you and your marriage have not grown enough — you have not matured enough.
There was a time early in my marriage that unless my wife, Carol, held me, rubbed my chest and romanced me, I will not get out of my state of hurt, annoyance or disappointment. I will be bubbling with life again within a few seconds of her holding me.
Whenever she also felt hurt, annoyed or disappointed in me I also have my own way of apologising and within 10 seconds, she will start laughing and laughing. She says that I make her laugh a lot. There were times when there was a stalemate and both of us were either hurt with each other, annoyed with each other or disappointed in each other. It was then that we started to mature into what I am now giving as my counsel to you.
Instead of you focusing your mind on what hurt you, annoyed you or got you disappointed in your spouse, you should change the channel and tune to another channel of your mind. Tune to what we call channel “Good Memory Bank.” This part of your mind is stored and filled with good memories about your spouse. Unless your spouse is a totally heartless, selfish and bad person like a Jezebel or an Ahab, he or she might have made life sweet and enjoyable for you perhaps for about 70 to 80 per cent in the past. He or she might have given you many warm smiles that melted your heart, nice food or outings/ holidays, moments of love-filled, love making, sacrificial giving, labour of love, quality care for the children and many others.
In my own case, I found out that whenever I tuned the channel of my spirit and mind from the issue that got me hurt, annoyed or disappointed to where my wife gave me great acts of kindness, love, sacrifice, care, hugs, smiles and laughter in the past, my negative feelings about her will stop growing. The negative feelings stopped growing because I stopped nursing them. Know that whatever you feed or nurse grows and whatever you stop to feed or nurse stops growing. At this point, I begin to force my mind to think, nurse and feed on those things that are pure, lovely and good about Carol, my wife. At this point, the negative feelings stop growing. Anytime it wants to violently come up to overpower my positive ideas of her, I will tune back again to this love channel that contains good memories, which I grew to nick name channel “Philippians 4:8.” It says, “Whatsoever things are true… honest… pure… lovely… good report… think on these things” about your spouse, think on those things. Carol also applies this principle and it works because the counsel of God if adhered to always works, always produces good results.
May you receive your healing in Jesus name. Love you!